Friday, November 18, 2016

Friday Funny - Dad's Humor

Spending time with my dad was always fun and thought-provoking and whether we were grabbing a quick lunch or sitting down to a big holiday dinner, there was always laughter. Here is a bit of his unique humor.

This is an article from a local paper announcing his appointment as rector of St. Nicholas Episcopal Church in Elk Grove Village, Illinois. Nothing earth shattering, but you have to read it to get the most out of his rewrite.

Rev. Stephen Matthews Is Appointed New Vicar
      The Rev. Stephen D. Matthews, curate at St. Mark's Episcopal church for the past two years, has been appointed vicar of St. Nicolas' Church, Elk Grove Village, it was announced last week by The Rt. Rev. Gerald F. Burrill, Bishop of Chicago.
      Father Matthews, who will assume his new duties Feb. 1, is a native of Chicago and attended the University of Chicago Laboratory School, Loomis School, and Wesleyan University. After graduation from the General Theological Seminary, he was ordained to the priesthood in 1962. Before coming to Glen Ellyn he served parishes in Torrington, Conn. and Wappingers Falls, N.Y.
      The newly appointed vicar currently holds a grant from the John Jay and Eliza Jane Watson Foundation of New York for a descriptive biography of the English author and theologian, Charles Williams. In connection with this project, Father Matthews spent a month in London last summer engaged in research. He plans a return visit in 1967 to complete the work.

There must have been something about this article that set his dry wit in motion; he soon rewrote it:



             A suspicious character calling himself Stephen D. Matthews who claims to be a parson at the meeting house of the Episcopalian sect in Glen Ellyn has been hired to manage a minor basilica operated by Santa Clause, it was announced by someone last week.
             Rev. Matthews, a native of Chicago (Illinois), attended several private kindergartens and International Correspondence School where he received top honors through an error due to the difficulty encountered by the faculty in deciphering his handwriting. According to police, he was ordained somewhere after graduating from an obscure seminary recently under investigation by authorities who claim it is a diploma mill.
             Glen Ellyn is the third community in which the itinerant preacher has resided since 1962, having formerly been employed in Connecticut and New York, both of which he left under mysterious circumstances.
             The reverend spent part of last summer in London, England, visiting his childhood friends, John Jay and Eliza Jane Watson, formerly of Foundation, N.Y. His trip was sponsored by the W.T. Grant Co.
             The sky pilot is married to Mrs. Rev. Matthews who will probably accompany him when he takes up his new duties under the direction of Mr. Christopher Kringle.